ALL HAIL THE 12-FOOT GIANT-SIZED SKELETON WITH LIFEEYES
There isn’t a autumn, there isn’t a fall. These are antiquated phrases from a bygone period. Now, there’s solely Spooky Season. And every year Spooky Season brings with it larger, higher, extra outrageous decorations and costumes. One among final yr’s best choices to appease and provides due to the pumpkin gods was a 9-foot-tall inflatable squid costume, which appeared fairly troublesome to high. Troublesome, however not unimaginable, apparently, as a result of it has decidedly been topped.
Behold, the 12-foot Big-Sized Skeleton with LifeEyes
Have a look at this factor. Actually take a look at it. Take your time with it.
Is there any wise argument to be made for dropping $299 plus tax on a 12-foot-tall garden decoration? No. However does this appear to be a man who offers a shit about your “cause” and “fiscal duty”? Once more, no. Fuck no. It’s known as the 12-Foot Big-Sized Skeleton. Its identify already says how large it’s however it says Big once more simply to actually ship the purpose dwelling, and to make it clear that you just — I — don’t imply shit. It doesn’t want your justification, it transcends it. We’re fortunate if we get the prospect to face in its presence.
These different decorations needs to be embarrassed. They need to pack themselves again up of their dumb regular-sized Rubbermaid bins and chuck themselves again into the attic just like the fools they’re. That home within the image is value, what, in all probability a cool $900,000 and alter? Doesn’t matter. It’d as properly be a shack, the 12-Foot Big-Sized Skeleton with LifeEyes is probably the most helpful factor on that lot now.
You’re in all probability questioning, “what are LifeEyes?” Oh, oh I’ll present you what LifeEyes are. I received your LifeEyes proper right here, pal.
These LCD eyes are powered with 4 C batteries and the screams of innocents.
They’re one way or the other each flat like a personality from the deeply cursed late-nineties collection Cyberchase but countless with depth of a black gap, mysterious and terrifyingly superior just like the First Testomony God. I assure for those who stared into the 12-Foot Big-Sized Skeleton’s LifeEyes for lengthy sufficient you’d have the ability to see your individual loss of life.
Within the description on Home Depot’s product page it says it’s “designed for indoor or out of doors use”. Look, you’re free to make your individual decisions, however for those who put this factor inside your home? Congratulations, that’s not your home anymore. It’s your new large skeletal overlord’s home now.
Want extra data? Nicely, if the identify 12-Foot Big-Sized Skeleton with LifeEyes is one way or the other not clear sufficient for you, House Depot does additionally say what theme this ornament falls into — Skeleton. Yeah, fool, Skeleton is a whole theme now. Don’t ask questions.
Hear, I don’t know the total ramifications of erecting the 12-Foot Big-Sized Skeleton with LifeEyes and staking it in your garden, I don’t know what sort of Pandora’s field that’ll open. All I do know is it deserves to be feared and revered, and it doesn’t include batteries.